WWE presents: What in the world is this crap?
by The ultimate ladies man
Summary: Chris Jericho, Edge and CM Punk cut a "promo" on the WWE universe.


**Smackdown presents: What in the world is this crap?**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the WWE Superstars or Smackdown in this mess of a story, or Sherlock Holmes for that matter. Don't look at me. This is entertaining if you cover your eyes.

"Listen up you prudent hypocrites! We three are here to tell you that we are babe magnets! I mean, look at us! We're young, handsome, and ready to party!" Chris Jericho stated into the microphone.

"As long as there is no drinking, smoking, or drug using in any way at the party! Straight edge rocks my socks!" CM Punk rebutted.

"Who wants to party with us? We are three wild and crazy guys!" Edge stated proudly.

The crowd didn't know how to react. There was a somewhat polite hush over the people.

"Oh come on! You people don't want to party with us three? We are all former World Heavyweight Champions!"

"And we have tattoos!" Edge added.

"And cookies! LOTS OF COOKIES!" CM Punk added, munching on a bag of cookies he brought into the ring.

"Punk, where'd you get those cookies?" Edge asked.

"My mom made em'. She told me to share, but I don't wanna." Punk said.

"Give me a cookie, you sober grease monkey." Chris Jericho demanded.

"No!"

"Why you no good greedy ragamuffin!" Jericho snorted.

"My cookies! Mine!"

"Look, we're losing the point of why we're out here." Edge rebutted.

"Why are we out here?" Punk innocently asked.

"To pick up chicks, of course." Edge said with an evil smile.

"Chickens?"

"No Punk. Women, we are here to pick up…"

"Cause I picked up a chicken once." Punk interrupted.

"Right. Anyway…"

"Is it bad when a chicken bites you?" Punk asked.

Jericho gave Punk an exasperated look.

"Did a chicken bite you?" Jericho asked.

"No."

"Then don't worry about it." Edge demanded.

"Moving on, is there any ladies out there that want to party with us? Hmmm? Raise your hands." Jericho demanded.

The women in the audience immediately looked at the floor, not wanting to "party" with the "babe magnets."

"Come on, don't be shy. There are plenty of us to go around!" Edge said proudly.

Again, no takers.

"Maybe we smell bad." Punk suggested.

"Impossible!" Edge rebutted.

"Fine! We have a back up plan! WWE divas, come on out here now!"

Maria's theme began to blast throughout the arena, and Maria, Melina, and Eve came strutting down the ramp.

"Ladies, it's an absolute pleasure to see you again." Jericho politely said, kissing Melina's hand, making her blush.

"Yeah, and you look as beautiful as ever." Edge said, uncharacteristically.

"Punk, don't you have anything to say?" Jericho asked.

CM Punk munched on his cookies, not looking at the divas in any way.

"Punk, don't be rude. Say hello."

"No."

"No? Why ever not?"

"Cause they're smelly and have cooties. I don't wanna play with them." Punk said, rather childishly.

"Excuse me, but may I have a cookie?" Maria asked Punk.

Punk looked up at Maria, slowly took a cookie out of his bag, and gave it to her.

"Aw, you're so sweet." Maria said.

"Hey waitaminute! You didn't give ME a cookie!" Jericho yelled. He glanced over at Edge, who was also munching on a cookie.

"Hey! Where did you get that?!" Jericho demanded.

"Him." Edge admitted, pointing at Punk.

"Forget it! Now it is time for the pickup line challenge! The first man to woo their woman first, gets the prize!" Jericho explained.

"What's the prize?" Eve asked.

"None of your business! Now then, Edge, you start." Jericho demanded.

Edge took a deep breath, and looked at Eve.

"Baby, do you rent or own?"

"Rent or own what?" Eve asked.

"Those wings, you angel." Edge said, smiling.

The crowd groaned.

"SILENCE!" Jericho demanded. "It was a good attempt. Now Punk, it is your turn."

Punk put his bag of cookies down, and went over to Maria.

"I like cookies." He told her.

"I like cookies too." She said.

"I also like…Sherlock Holmes." He said.

"Elementary, my dear Punk." She said.

"And I like…you." He said, hesitantly.

"I also like you." She said, smiling.

"Hey! You wanna go to a Lordi concert?" He asked.

"I love Lordi!" She exclaimed

"ENOUGH! You, Punk, have failed the challenge! No prize for you!" Jericho punished.

"Aw, biggleshnush!" He…swore?

"Now then, it is my turn." He declared. He looked at Melina, and said the following phrase.

"My dear, it would be an honor if you were to agree to the following evening: a candlelit dinner for two, then afterwards a theatrical piece, perhaps along the line of Shakespeare. And then, after the festivities, you and I shall stroll under the beautiful moonlight, and I shall gaze into your eyes. I shall speak from my heart, and make classy remarks about not just your physical beauty, including your hair and your eyes, but your inner beauty as well. I shall take your hands, and then ask for the honor of you joining me at another time and place where our relationship will grow and prosper forevermore. What say you, madam?" He finished.

Melina was absolutely floored. In fact, she fainted.

"Oh no! You murdered her! You murderer!" Maria cried.

"Never fear! Sherlock Punk is on the case!" CM Punk declared, donning a fedora and taking out a magnifying glass.

"Hooray! My hero!" Maria swooned.

"Oh boy, this segment was a waste of time." Edge grumbled.

"Not quite! For I won the prize!" Jericho declared.

"What was the prize, old bean?" CM Punk asked, looking closely at Jericho's lapel.

"Front row tickets to the next Fozzy concert! Be jealous!" Jericho bragged.

"But, you're the lead singer. How can you watch and perform at the same time?" Edge asked.

A long pause passed, with Jericho's clean shaven face getting red with rage as time passed, until he erupted.

"CURSES! Foiled by my own plan! I shall go into exile!" Jericho yelled, making a dramatic exit.

CM Punk exited next, following Jericho's footprints with his magnifying glass, with Maria hot on his heels.

Edge and Eve looked at each other, shrugged, and exited as well.

Then, Batista's music blasted through the arena, as he rushed to the ring.

"Mouth to mouth resuscitation!" He bellowed, heading over to Melina.

She regained consciousness, screamed, and ran away from the hormone driven animal.

The fans didn't know how to react, until Vince Mcmahon's vision appeared on the titan-tron.

"I'm surrounded by idiots. That is all." He grumbled.

The End.


End file.
